About success with Mara Coman

It was one morning of January this year, that morning I was feeling down. I was still in bed. I grabbed my phone and started to scroll until an article got my attention: "9 things I decided to do in 2021", written by Mara Coman, editor in chief of Harper's Bazaar Romania who happens to be also a friend. I just wanted to know what people put as a target for 2021, a year that comes with big expectation and big hopes, so I read it.

I liked this article because the 9 things were small objectives, simple and I kept one idea for myself too: to wear perfume every day no matter if I go out or not. Just for me. I think we need to offer some pleasures to ourselves only, without looking outside for approvals.

And here I was one hour later, still in bed, reading more articles from Mara's blog and starting to feel that somehow my day was becoming interesting. I was feeling boosted with energy and inspiration and I wanted to send her a thank you note for making my day. I know Mara for more than 15 years, it happened even to work together some years in L'Oréal, where she was PR manager and I was Product Manager. We also collaborated after those years when she went into publishing, but lately, due to physical distance, we've lost contact. I felt it was nice to let her know that her words helped me that morning, gave me trust and energy. I have forgotten how well she could write! I remembered since we use to work together that she always wanted to write, it was her passion. And she was dreaming to work for a beauty magazine. And she did it. She got what she wanted.

On that morning of January, I could see her from a new perspective. She was not anymore the delicate shy girl that I used to know 15 years ago, but a successful woman, with a great carrier in journalism and also a single mother of twins. And that morning I had to tell her how impressive her transformation was to me: from a woman made of fine porcelain she became an impressive marble statue. I had to congratulate her on this!

Sometimes we don't realize how far we have reached because we are always in the process of looking forward, to the new goals to come, to the future we need to conquer. And sometimes it feels so overwhelming, like an ongoing to-do list. We are in such a permanent hurry to start this process that we don't even allow ourselves to stop and enjoy what's already here. We don't celebrate ourselves enough, we maybe don't even realize our achievements because there is no time. We are busy building the future.

My message to her was well received. She was in need to hear it. And I knew that because we are all in need to receive congratulations. Because we are all part of this generation of fast "everything" that don't allow ourselves to take a breath. There must be an external factor to come and stop us from running, like a pandemic.

In any case, I see Mara as a successful woman. She is successful for me. But does she consider herself successful? And what drives her to move on every day? How is she mixing carrier with parenting? Does she still have time for herself? Is she overwhelmed? I had plenty of questions in my mind and I felt the need to know more from her and share it with other women out there that are maybe in need of a helping hand or an inspiration or maybe just an encouragement. I am also one of these women. I also need to feel reassured from time to time that it is possible. That you can do everything you dream of. So, let me deep-dive into this woman secrets and grab some inspiration.

Mara, what is success for you?

I've been thinking about your question for the last few days because I grew up in an environment where success meant a fancy job, a lot of money, a house and a car and… I didn't get these things. However, for me, success means doing what you really love.

However, for me, success means doing what you really love.

Initially, I wanted to write, and when I found my first job as an editor, I could hardly believe it. Then I wanted to know how people make magazines in other countries - and I had in mind the well-known magazines that were not published in Romania at the time. I was fascinated by Glamour and Marie Claire and I was wondering what it is like to work for such a title! If I went to Paris or New York, to their headquarters, and told them I was working for a magazine in Romania, would anyone talk to me? I know it sounds naive now, but I was 22-23 years old. Fortunately, I found out what I wanted to know and more! One day I received a phone call and I was offered to be the editor-in-chief of Glamour Magazine, which was to be launched in Romania. Editor-in-chief! I felt my knees got soften, I just couldn't believe it was true. I worked on the launch project and then I went to London, where I was interviewed at Vogue House. I was excited and tremendously tired, at the same time, but I got the job.

Later came the proposal from Marie Claire – a similar situation, the magazine was to be launched in Romania. Difficult decision, but in the end I made a project for Marie Claire and I sent it to Paris. Until that moment, I was the first and the only editor-in-chief to be hired without an interview, only based on the editorial proposal I sent. So I didn't go to Paris for an interview, but directly for training. After 13 years of Marie Claire Romania, just when I was thinking it was about time for me to leave magazines, the proposal from Harper's Bazaar came.

So, looking back, I can say that I have fulfilled my dream! I found out how the publishers work for these magazines abroad, I went to their offices, we talked, I did shootings in Paris, and I worked with international teams and with the best people in the field. This is a great achievement for me: I had the chance to learn from the best and work with the largest publishing companies in the world, like Condé Nast, Marie Claire Group and Hearst Magazines. In my field and my country, I did it all and had it all! Of course, we are witnessing a decline in print magazines – I do not want to deny or ignore this. But the content never dies, no matter what form it has. I was wondering if there are areas where we don't need content and I didn't find any.

Which are your core values?

Job wise, not to underestimate my reader, not to look down on my reader nor lie.

I place great value on common sense; I think that any kind of relationship must be based on common sense. And there is grace, which is manifested in what you say, how you say, how you behave, what you wear. Grace is in the smallest details. It's something rare and very beautiful.

For the women out there who feel overwhelmed with life in general (job, kids, housework, self-care) what will you advise? What worked for you?

I don't have a magical solution. I can tell women who feel overwhelmed by the situation that it happens to us all. I know, though, this is not a consolation. I'm a single mom and I have a full-time job, I know what it's like to feel you can't do them all.

One precious thing I have learned was to ask for help.

One precious thing I have learned was to ask for help. It may sound trivial, but I wasn't used to it. So one day when I couldn't leave the office, I asked a friend if he could go pick up the girls from school. And he helped me. Another friend bought me medicine for my girls when I needed it. All these just proved to me how lucky I was; I realized that there is always a way, even if it is not the easiest one. During these years, my friends helped me a lot, they listened to me.

Sometimes I feel like I can't move on anymore. I could even cry. I turn off my laptop and try to take a break. Sometimes I have so much work to do or I have to be in several places at the same time.

At one point, when things were out of my control and I didn't know what to do, I sat down in the middle of the room and laughed.

What are your energy resources?

I don't know where I get my energy from; but I've learned that I need a break, some time for myself, to be alone, and I don't feel guilty when I do these things for myself. I go to the market (I like it!), I walk on a sunny day and I listen to music in my headphones, I get something good to eat or I go out to drink a glass of wine. Maybe not so much now, in pandemic times.

Tell us about your fears. How do you manage them?

I have more fears than I like to admit. An important thing on this subject would be that many times, the things I was afraid of happened and that it wasn't so bad. So I wish I had more courage.

And no, I can't control everything, we don't know what tomorrow will be like – tomorrow could be a very beautiful day, after all.

I can't always control my fears. Fortunately, I don't have panic attacks, but when I'm scared, it's clear I'm having a bad day. I still haven't found a way to help me every time. What I did and helped: I talked to my friends about how I felt and sometimes they made me realize that many fears are ungrounded. And no, I can't control everything, we don't know what tomorrow will be like – tomorrow could be a very beautiful day, after all. I also know that this state of fear does not last; in most cases, the next morning I wake up with a smile on my face.

I try to stay realistic and not to make possible scenarios in my mind. By the way, that's why I started doing yoga, I know it has a beneficial effect (both for the body and for the mind) and I hope to put into practice the principles I learn. Before yoga, I didn't think I could relax in an uncomfortable position, where it might hurt. But I started to do this when I practice yoga and try to extend the principle in everyday life.

Professionally speaking, how do you develop yourself in a world that is more and more demanding and changing all the time?

It is true that in recent years I have written less and less. And it's natural when you're coordinating a project; otherwise, you remain anchored at the micro-level and you cannot see the big picture. But because my adventure started with words, I started writing on the blog. The blog started from the simple desire to express me in a space that is not a licensed magazine, with strict rules. Many articles are about me and would only be appropriate on the blog. But over time, the blog has become more than a place to write; I worked on the logo and design, I have some editorial principles. And I learned a lot of things, from WordPress to SEO, notions of social media, I went to classes and conferences about everything digital, I took online courses. And I like it. My only problem is the time – I only get to write late in the evening, when the rest of the people have finished their dinner and watch a movie.

Talking about self-developing, I had some communication projects. There aren't many (because, as I said, I don't have enough time), but I enjoyed coming up with proposals and looking for interesting and out of the box ways to say something about a product. I was thinking about how much this domain has changed in the last 17 years since we worked together at L'Oréal.

What do you do for yourself only? Which are the guilty pleasures that make your day?

I just wrote an article about it. Coffee, flowers, yoga class (when I have yoga class time!), a good book, some chocolate, a cuddly cat, the drawings of my twins, a walk alone in the park. Today, for example, I am glad to finally order a pair of yellow sneakers. I had been looking for some time and couldn't find what I wanted.

But I admit that sometimes I have full days when I have the feeling that I don't have time for anything and I get quite frustrated. I'm thinking of organizing my day differently, but I still haven't found that solution that works.

How do you imagine your future?

I just don't want to make scenarios. I understood I have absolutely no idea about how my life will be in the next 5 or 10 years.

In an ideal world, you would where be where? Doing what?

I would like to play more with my girls, read more, do more sports, travel more and be more organized to have time for all this. And to have courage.

What is your relationship with jewellery?

I like earrings and rings. Lately, either I don't wear any necklaces or I only wear fine chains and very small medallions. I like asymmetries and pearls in unexpected combinations; I don't necessarily mean the classic pearl necklace, but an irregular pearl in a less predictable context.

My earrings can be small, large, discreet or crazy. They can be classic and delicate, but, look, I also have some in the shape of a knife or safety needle. As a style, I most often prefer minimalist and geometric jewellery, a square or a triangle bracelet. On the wish list I have an X-shaped brooch and a simple ring, maybe made of gold or gilded silver, with a pearl – now I realize that it is something very classic.

From The Sense of Beauty, my favourite jewellery are the Drops Earrings and the Drops Necklace by Aliki Stroumpouli and the Heritage earrings.

Photos: Alex Galmeanu & Personal Archive